Diabola's ramblings

Sloppy editing

2008-03-05T01:44:15Z

Hey, I know I haven't posted in forever, but I need some advice.

Does anyone know what the best way is to complain about the editing of a book? Is there a chance that emailing the publisher will do any good or will it simply be ignored? I know it's a bit silly, but the book I'm reading at the moment contains mistakes that I'd dismiss a beta for, how is it possible that a professional editor gets away with such a sloppy job?

All the more recent books of this author have had this problem and I was able to ignore it so far, but finding someone "slinging his arm around his companions waste" in a published novel was just too much.

Do you think there is a chance that a complaint will do any good? (If not for this book then at least for future ones.) Or am I overreacting completely here?

Birthdays

2007-02-10T18:48:55Z

Happy Birthday alwaysjbj !
A bit late, I know; I overslept, sorry.

Happy Birthday spikesdeb !

Hope both of you had a great day.

Happy Birthday Patti

2007-01-25T10:29:52Z

Happy Birthday slaymesoftly !

Happy Birthday Schez

2007-01-22T12:43:56Z

Happy Birthday schehrezade_1 !

Wish you a fabulous day and lots of really cool prezzies. ;-)

headdesk

2006-12-12T15:44:53Z

Last night my phone rang:

me: "Yeah?"

some guy: [yelling, angry] "I told you to answer the phone properly, can't you listen when I tell you something? You wonder why you're always in trouble? Well, you managed to piss me off already."

me: [confused] "Huh? Who's there?"

guy: [still yelling] "You know damn well who this is!"

me: [even more confused] "No, actually I don't."

guy: [still yelling] "YOUR FATHER!!!"

me: [realizing what is going on, what with my father having been dead for over four years] "Err, that's kinda impossible."

guy: [suddenly very quiet] *gulp* "Christina?"

me: "NO! Sisko. Sisko Bruhns."

guy: "Oh my god, I'm soooooo sorry. This is so embrassing."

--- The same guy called twice more, although he was more careful about what he said.
Then the phone rang again:

me: "Nope, it's still the wrong number."

some OTHER guy: "... Err, this is the Telecom. I'm calling about your request to modify your contract."

*headdesk*

Happy B'day Amy

2006-07-26T14:58:11Z

Happy Birthday amybnnyc

Wish you a great day and many prezzies.

Sorry I didn't manage to say goodbye to you, but my treacherous brain went all forgetful on me again and I couldn't remember when you were leaving. It was great to see you again anyway.

Writercon

2006-06-26T10:23:24Z

Since I have to travel quite a way for writercon, I thought I'd stay a few extra days. (Plus, I've never been outside of Europe so far LOL)

Not so keen on sitting around in Atlanta on my own though, so I'd like to know if anyone else is planning on being there for more than those three days. And if you're arriving early or staying longer?

Interview

2006-05-08T11:00:00Z

Wow, long time not seen… And I come back with a meme, shame on me – oh well.

Anyway, did the interview thing…

Here are the rules:

01- Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."

02- I will respond by asking you five questions of a very intimate and creepily personal nature. Or not so creepy/personal.

03- You will update your LJ with the answers to the questions.

04- You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the post.

05- When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

As for me, alwaysjbj did the interview.

1. What drew you to writing fanfic?

2. What do you look for in a story (be it fanfiction or a published story)... what elements draw you in and hold your attention?

3. Pick your favourite Btvs or Ats character and tell me WHY you love them so much?

4. What is your favourite scene from one of the episodes and why?

5. What do you most love and hate about the Spuffy relationship... both on the show and in fanfic and what it it that makes you a die hard Spuffy?

1.
When I see something I believe to be wrong, be it in a show or a book, I have this urge to fix it somehow. For a long time I was content with imagining those solutions (and annoying my sister by telling her about them), but when I started reading fanfic I fell in love with the idea that I'd be able to show them to others. Plus, I absolutely love reading and always wanted to be able to write something myself. Sadly language and literature isn't my strong suit, I was always better with math and technical stuff. Because of that I knew writing a "real" novel is way out of my league, so fanfic gave me the opportunity to dabble in writing – and the hope that in time I'll get to the point where at least I like what I'm producing.

2.
Hmm, tough question. I guess the most important thing is a good plot. The story has to make sense and be conclusive, and it needs a certain amount of suspense to draw me in. I absolutely hate it if the logic of a story is flawed – and believe me, I notice mistakes like that every time. There has to be a reason for everything, characters that change their behavior in mid-story without any reason at all will make me stop reading every time. Oh, and there has to be a happy ending. If I'm not sure if that's where the story is leading I'll read the ending first to make sure I won't be disappointed. Where fanfic is concerned I think the characterization is one of the most important parts. If I can't recognize the character5s from the show in a fic I'll stop reading. Original fiction is great, but if you can't admit that that's what you're writing, you'll just have to live with one less reader.

3.
That's easy. Spike. I always sympathize with the underdog and in addition I have a thing for bad-boys – and he's the poster-boy for both. That he's hot helps too of course, but it all started with my need to back up the one character that no one in the show seemed to think deserved something as simple as common courtesy or respect. Plus, I've never understood why the fact that vampires drink human blood should make then those evil, despised creatures. Whether someone is evil depends sorely on ones point of view, and it does NOT equal disgusting or any of those other labels they used. The fact that he turned out to have layers only cemented my opinion of him.

4.
That'd be the end of the teaser in "Out of my mind". You know, when Spike does his spiel: "I will know your blood, Slayer. … I will make your neck my chalice … and drink deep.", turns dramatically and swaggers off – right into an open grave. I just love t5hat scene, cracks me up every time. – Yeah, I know, not exactly deep or romantic or anything; but hey, I like humor.

5.
Oh my, I have to split that one I think. On the show is easy, Buffy is what I hate about their relationship. In my eyes there is simply no excuse for the way she treated him – in any of the later seasons. The "he tried to kill me" excuse just doesn't do it for me, since she did the same thing – and would have no matter how he behaved. She was nasty, abusive, cruel and heartless; and I absolutely hate it that the writers let her get away with it.
As for like – there wasn't much about their relationship on the show I liked. It was the potential of what it could have become that drew me in.

Fic is harder, as it depends on the story. I don't like it if the curse of their relationship doesn't ring true; if the authors takes them to the stage where he/she wants them without any explanation, just because they what it that way. This is most obvious when a writer wants to put smut in their story even though the time is not right yet – but hey, the readers like it and it's hot – right? NO! Something else I hate is if the characters behave unlike themselves, but that's a different question I believe. Oh, I'm also not very found of the overly romantic view many writers seem to have; terms like "soulmate" or "true love" aren't really my thing. And love at first sight? Please…
What I like is when an author used his/her fic to realize the potential of their relationship and gives me what the show refused me.

As to why I'm stuck on this ship: As I mentioned above, Spike is my favorite character and he wanted Buffy, so I want to read/write fics where he gets her.

diabola79 @ 2005-12-10T18:46:00

2005-12-10T17:49:00Z

Normally I don't do these, but the answer I got was just too fitting *snicker*

In the year I resolve to:

Slap stupid people in the head.

Get your resolution here

Drabbles

2005-12-08T00:06:49Z

And again with the dark drabbles.

This time my "What if ...?"'s don't as much show what could have turned out differently, as they take a look at the future. So who's to say they won't come true one day.

After Glory was gone they had all forgotten about the Key. Ignored what she was in favor of their eternal search for normal. There had been reminders of course, demons that seemed just a bit too interested in going after her; but that could be explained away by her sister’s status. Anything to remain in blissful denial just a little bit longer.

Now, after a decade in her small cage as the most precious part of the Immortal’s collection of rarities; her sister and friends long lost in battle, Dawn had nearly stopped wondering if it had been worth it.

This was – unexpected. A demon in love with a Slayer meant a fun-filled, guilt-free time for said Slayer – until she decided to move on, right? That’s the way it had been before, and she had even been careful to treat this one better; no more guilt for this girl. So when she had told him it was over, that she was ready to move on to a nice normal human now, the last thing she had expected was this.

Buffy Summers was still staring at the Immortal’s tear streaked face in shock when the axe came down and the world went black.

It had all seemed so easy when they first discovered the prophecy; if he fought in the last apocalypse one the side of humanity he’d be rewarded.

Who could have known that ‘side of humanity’ was so much more complicated than ‘the side of humans’? Who could have known that the last apocalypse would be brought about by mankind itself?

He had spend the last century helping humans against demons, never giving a thought to anything besides ‘humans good, demons bad’; now he was supposed to know which of the war-parties was the more humanitarian one?

Angel wept in frustration.

Huh, while I was outside having a smoke I thought of another one. Something funny for a change. AD&D is 'Advanced Dungeons and Dragons' for anyone who doesn't know (And in case you guys have a different name for it.). A role-playing game.

Angel carefully read through the pages he had pilfered from Spike’s room.

The cheek of that boy, to keep something as important as this hidden from him; didn’t he get that the Shanshu was Angel’s reward? What could his annoying grandchilde possibly hope to gain from a guide on how to fulfill the prophecy?

There it was: ‘Brown Dragon, 1250 points’. Now if he could just find the page that mentioned where the count started.

Spike threw the stack of photocopied papers down in disgust. Why would anyone steal the Monster Compendium from the AD&D guide Andrew had sent him?

Drabbled again..

2005-11-02T23:56:11Z

Seems whenever I play with "What ifs" it ends up really dark...

They had forgotten the most important law of all: You don’t mess with nature.

It was a bad idea to import animals into a country that wasn’t prepared for them, and it was a worse idea to mess with the Powers plan where the Slayer line was concerned.

Experiences can change what we have the potential to become, there had been a reason the Powers That Be chose to awaken those dormant powers only in a selected few of the girls born with them.

Demons were no longer a threat to humanity, but the Slayers were. A war was raging.

~*~*~*~*~

Trust is good.

She had trusted him. First after she stopped him from leaving and he swore not to go back there; next when the thing with her mom happened and he was by her side on her rampage through the vampire community. Again when he came home beaten and without Dawnie, telling her the chip must have stopped working. When the stake intended for her sister’s supposed murderer got turned around and sunk in his chest she rushed to save him – and froze when instead of dying he crumpled to dust.

Trust is good, but be careful whom you trust.

~*~*~*~*~

It had been the right thing to do, hadn’t it?

Her father had said she was part demon. That would have meant she could be a danger to all of them. Who could blame them for stepping back and letting her family take care of her? What else could they have done? Slay her? It was not like she really had had to leave anyway; even if it had been Spike’s chip that had resolved the situation instead of one of them getting involved.

So why was there only disgust and disappointment in her eyes when she looked at them?

Happy B'day

2005-09-07T11:40:33Z

Happy Birthday spikeskat!

Hope you have a great day and many prezzies, heh..

Intervention Twist

2005-08-30T14:09:26Z

This is my twist of Intervention for the spuffyverse. Crossposting it here for no appearant reason...

oracleholly was nice enough to beta this.

"Giles …. I love you. Love … love, love, love, love. Giles, it feels strange."

Frowning at his Slayer's odd behaviour, Giles perched himself on the coffee table and tried to think of a solution to this newest problem.

"Well, I shouldn't wonder. How serious are you about this?"

Walking past him and taking a seat on the couch, Buffy shot him a determined look.

"Ten. I'm serious to the amount of ten."

"There is something… in the Watcher's diaries … a quest."

"A quest?" Buffy asked confused ""Like finding a grail or something?" How was that supposed to help her?

"Not a grail. Maybe answers. It would take a day, perhaps two."

All hope of finding a quick solution left Buffy at that statement. There was no way she could leave her sister alone. Not with a crazed Hellgod after her. And certainly not if the only reason was that she had trouble dealing with her emotions.

"I'm not leaving Dawn. Not with Glory looking for her."

"Some Slayers before you found it helpful in … regaining their focus, learning more about their role. There's a scared place in the desert. It's, it's not far."

"No Giles. It might help – or not, but I really don't think this is the right time. Let's get this thing with Glory over with first. If I still need answers once Dawn is safe we'll go, but not now."

Seeing him nodding in relief at her decision, Buffy realized that Giles had been as worried as her at the prospect of leaving the others alone. Nevertheless, he had been willing to put her first.

Suddenly the blonde felt bad for having put him in this situation. It was not like she was the only one having trouble dealing at the moment, but instead of working through it with Dawn – as she had promised the teen just a few days before – she was asking her Watcher to find a quick fix.

Having agreed to wait, Slayer and Watcher turned to more mundane things such as what to do with Dawn while Buffy was out on patrol.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Staring in shock at the sight before her Buffy squeezed her eyes tightly shut, hoping when she opened them again the hideous image would be gone.

Even going crazy and having hallucinations would be better than this. However, she was not to be spared tonight. When she took another glance through the bushes, the couple was still there.

It just wasn't possible. She must have gone nuts from the grief of loosing her mother. She was definitely not seeing herself fucking Spike into the ground on that clearing over there. What the hell was going on here?

Repressing her first impulse of confronting them, the other Buffy, whatever, she decided to wait and observe a bit longer. If she could figure out who that bitch was, she could avoid having to ask questions before she beat up the stupid vamp for having the audacity to bang a Buffy-look-alike.

They didn't stay long. Thank god for that, at least she'd be spared having to watch more of their antics. Especially since she wasn't getting any lovin’ herself since Riley had left, and was it hot out here? Shut up brain!

And now they were … what the hell? They were patrolling? The nerve of that vampire! He was probably pretending that bitch was her. As if she would ever lower herself to hang out with that evil, disgusting … thing. Much less do anything else with him.

~*~*~*~*~*~

After following the pair for nearly an hour, Buffy finally found herself back at the crypt. Still unsure who or what the … thing that looked like her was, she crept closer and pressed her ear to the door trying to catch some of their conversation. She hoped it might help her figure this out. And it did, oh how it did. She had only heard a voice this chipper and pronounced once before. April! Warren's icky robot.

Spike made Warren make him a robo-me? To do … that with? Oh, he's sooo dead!

Furious, the Slayer kicked the door open, nearly shattering it in her wake. The crash alerted both occupants to her presence, but neither managed as much as a surprised shout before she advanced on the blonde vampire. Had she not been so angry, Buffy might have laughed at his panicked expression. As it was, she didn't even notice.

Grabbing him by the throat she slammed Spike into the wall before he could as much as try to distract or calm her.

Buffy had, however, forgotten about the 'bot. Suddenly she was ripped away from her target and propelled across the crypt without getting in a single punch. Shocked, she started at the robot wearing her face, worried Spike might finally have found a way to fight her again. And I'm so not excited at that thought!

However, her worry melted into confusion when he, instead of ordering his toy to attack her, called it back and sent it to the lower level of the crypt.

Did he really just give up the perfect opportunity to finally have me killed? … Nah, he probably knows his toy doesn't have a chance against the real Slayer and hopes to avoid a dusting by playing nice.

Satisfied to have once again found a way to twist the reason behind the vampire’s actions to her liking, Buffy attacked.

Eyes blazing with righteous fury she slammed him back into the wall and used the hand not chocking his neck to pummel his face. The crunch his nose made when it broke only inflamed her further rather then calming her ire. Spike’s refusal to fight back added to her fury, as she conveniently forgot his chip prevented him from defending himself from her.

Stepping back, she finished her assault with a solid kick to his temple, panting with exhilaration when he slumped to the floor.

Wondering whether to wait for Spike to wake up so she could make him regret having the robot build some more, or find the toy and destroy it, Buffy was interrupted by the crypt-door banging open. Turning in bewilderment she was stunned to find herself face to face with a group of Glory's ugly minions. What the hell are they doing here?

They attacked as soon as they recognized her, yelling in excitement at being able to not only retrieve the key but the Slayer as well.

Despite being a much better fighter, Buffy soon realized that she was helpless against so many of them. Panicked she cried out for the vampire to help her, but he had not yet recovered from the blow she had dealt him. His unconscious form had long since been carried outside by a small group of minions.

Focusing her anger once more on the useless vampire – this was all his fault anyway; had he not build the 'bot, she wouldn't have had to beat him up and he'd be able to help her now – she managed to take down two more of the little brown-robed demons before six of them took hold of her arms and legs, effectively incapacitating her.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The Slayer yanked at the chains holding her to the wall with all her might. She had been doing this for nearly an hour now to no avail. Stupid well-prepared enemies! Who would have thought that the Hellbitch's brainless minions would be the ones to remember to use enhanced chains? Not even the Council lackeys last year had thought of that.

Despite her struggling, the ugly little guys had managed to get both her and Spike to Glory's penthouse with only minor problems. Once there they had separated her from the slowly awakening vampire and chained her up in an empty room. Apparently the Hellgod was more interested in Spike than in her. It made sense, after all the minions had seemed surprised by her presence in the crypt; they obviously had come looking for the blonde vampire.

The longer they left her alone, the more worried Buffy became. What could they possibly be doing so long? From all the yelling in the crypt, she had gathered that Glory thought Spike to be the key. Well, he would have convinced her otherwise pretty fast – and it was not like she cared if the god sliced him open anyway.

No, what worried the Slayer was that the vampire had probably jumped at the chance to make a deal with the bitch. They should be done by now though. So the only explanation for why they were leaving her alone this long was that the god had gone off to capture Dawn right away. Buffy had really hoped Glory would come to see her first; maybe she would have been able to stop her.

The Slayer had been mulling over those morose thoughts since about ten minutes after she had been locked away. Ever since then she had entertained herself with imagining different ways of making the vampire pay for betraying her sister – much more fun than thinking of her only family scared and bleeding in front of the crazy god.

That annoying voice in her head had tried to tell her that she didn't know whether Spike had done any such thing, but like always she had been fast to silence it. She knew him, of that she was absolutely certain. And he would happily jump at the chance to cause her pain. He was a vampire after all, that's what he did!

Finally the door to her room opened and instantly Buffy could hear the Hellgod's angry voice. Damn those expensive apartments; the walls are sound-proved.

Anxious to find out what had upset the god – maybe she hadn't been able to find Dawn; I might still have a chance to save my sister – the Slayer didn't even struggle when the minions unlocked her chains from the wall and lead her still tied up form towards the other room.

Oh god!

The sight that greeted her when she stepped through the doorway stopped her in her tracks. This weren't two evil beings who had just made a deal. This was a vampire who had been tortured by a Hellgod for the last hour. And going by the anger radiating off said god, he hadn't given her what she wanted.

As Buffy absorbed the sight in front of her, the annoying voice came back. Only now it was angry. It felt like someone was yelling inside her head. Mom? Telling her this was all her fault. That she was an awful person for having taken pleasure in imagining ways of destroying him; all the while, he was being beaten for protecting her secrets.

The Slayer started to realize that Spike was someone who was willing to die to protect her sister; and not only had she allowed his torture to happen, she had refused to even consider the possibility that he might be on her side - because it would muck up her world-view. How petty was that?

Had she been the person she believed herself to be, shouldn't she have spent the last hour hoping he would not betray her instead of congratulating herself to her supposed knowledge that he would? Shouldn't she have felt concern about Spike's condition when she saw him instead of anger at being proven wrong?

Ashamed, the blonde Slayer couldn't bare to look at the vampire's battered face in fear of meeting his eyes. And she really didn't want to know how much of the blood and bruises marring his face were courtesy of Glory and how much was her own work. Oh god, she had started it. The Hellgod had only continued where she had left off. She had unwittingly helped the bitch that was after her sister.

Had the minions not chosen that moment to yank at her chains and propel her forward so they could once more secure them to a wall, Buffy was sure she would have collapsed and gotten sick all over the expensive carpet.

"Ahh, the Slayer. Very nice Jinx, maybe I'll forget about you not finding my key … this time. … If she's more talkative then the vampire, that is."

Dismissing the minion, Glory turned her attention to Buffy.

"I see you trained your pet-vampire well, Slayer. He refused to tell me where my key is. Odd, considering Jinxy here told me when he arrived you were beating him. But then, I always found that pain and fear are perfect ways to make my followers abide my wishes. … Anyway, let's hope you're easier to … convince."

"Now wait a second there … bitch. You won't touch her, or … or you'll never know who your key is."

While Buffy was still reeling from the shock of hearing Glory compare herself to her, Spike had jumped into the conversation. Hearing the vampire, she had labelled in her thoughts as someone trying to destroy her, coming to her defence was nearly more then the shaken Slayer could bear. He let a Hellgod torture him without giving in and the mere threat of the same being done to me has him spilling his guts? In what kind of strange world did I end up?

The real one! That voice again. Buffy was really beginning to hate the smug tone of voice it had adapted.

God, listen to me! I'm fighting with myself.

The inner conflict distracted the young blonde enough to stop her from interrupting the vampire. As soon as she came back to herself she panicked, thinking she had missed her chance to stop him from telling Glory about Dawn; that was until his words finally registered with her.

"She doesn't know anything. 's not the one who has your key, ya got yourself the wrong Slayer."

What the hell was Spike saying? She wasn't the one who protected the key? Another Slayer? Was he sending the god after Faith? Sure, she hated the other Slayer, but she couldn't let him send Glory after her.

Just as Buffy opened her mouth to contradict him, he said something else, effectively silencing her once again.

"They seem the same, monks made sure of it. 't was a trick to throw you off. I only noticed ‘cos they smell different."

Another Slayer that looks like me? Buffy was officially confused now. Only after Spike claimed that the Slayer who was responsible for the key was still at his crypt did his plan become clearer to her.

He was sending Glory after the robot - clever. Or it would have been, if the god had planned to let them go once she had the information she wanted. Unfortunately she merely sent her minions out to retrieve the 'other' Slayer. Buffy still didn't get it; what was he planning?

~*~*~*~*~*~

It didn't take the minions long to return with the robot in tow. Glory had spent the intervening time ranting and raging at them, while Buffy had tried to catch Spike's eye and somehow get him to give her some hint about his plan. He was evading her gaze though. Ok, so it has probably more to do with the fact that his eyes are swollen shut than with any deliberate action on his part, but still.

The yelling in her head was getting louder too. Again that stupid voice. Now, it was annoyed, nagging her about trying to blame the vampire once again for something that was not his fault at all.

Buffy pouted. She was trying really hard to sort it all out in her head. It was difficult to break a habit that she had nurtured for so long. And the wave of self-disgust that rolled over her every time she reverted back into denying the change in the blond vampire didn’t help. At least, not if I don't want to goad Glory into attacking me by messing up her carpet.

Upon its arrival the 'bot instantly tried to get to Spike. It was obvious to Buffy that it had been programmed to protect the vampire.

What is his plan? The bot's behaviour lead to only one possible answer about the identity of the key, and Glory already knew that Spike wasn't who she was looking for.

"This is the right one. Go on bitch, ask her about Warren." Spike taunted the god.

As soon as the robot became aware that the blonde with the bad perm was a threat toward her creator, she forgot all about the vampire.

Glory had barely finished ordering her minions to fetch 'Warren' when the 'bot suddenly shrugged off its captors and threw itself at the god.

It must have gone into some sort of super-protector mode, Buffy thought idly. There was no way this was the same robot that she had seen fight vampires earlier; it seemed much stronger now.

Fortunately for the blonde Slayer, one of the minions got kicked her way during the fight and his impact was enough to loosen her chains. Another hard yank and she had ripped them clear from the wall. Rubbing her sore wrists – still in shackles, she pondered whether to join the fight.

Her focus centered on the heavily bleeding vampire still hanging from the ceiling though. With Glory occupied for the moment and the uncertainty about how the robot would react to another fighter, Buffy considered her options. The bot might attack her as well if she approached it. No, it was definitely better to try and free Spike. Hopefully they would manage to escape before the 'bot was destroyed.

A little voice in her head suggested that she leave him there, but to her astonishment the blonde Slayer found it much easier to silence this cruel side of herself than it had ever been where the other part was concerned.

The surprise in Spike's face when she released his chains had Buffy pale in shame. Realizing that she had been so horribly unfair to him that he thought she'd leave him behind was awful; especially considering what he had just done for her. She would have to make sure he understood that she got it now.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Their escape had been easier than Buffy expected. Even slowed down by the barely conscious vampire's weight, she was out of the building in mere minutes. It helped that any minions they encountered completely ignored them, since the ugly little guys had been too occupied with aiding their mistress in her fight with the enraged robot.

Not stopping for fear of Glory coming after them once she got rid of the bot, Buffy hurried back to her house.

The Slayer recalled that Dawn was out with her friends during patrol time, so nobody saw her bring Spike inside the house. For that she was grateful. No one was there to stare in wonder of the chains still hanging from her wrists or at the vampire she half-carried, half-drug into the house.

Hearing his whispered "Thanks" when she invited him into the house, Buffy had to suppress a shudder. Remembering the heartbroken look he had given her upon discovering the dis-invite, after what they had just been through twisted her insides.

How could I have been such a bitch? No, not bitch. Bitch was not strong enough a word for the way I behaved. I've been a monster. A monster who gets her kicks out of dragging others down to her level.

Carefully placing the vampire on the couch, Buffy ignored the sick feeling in her stomach. Now was not the time for self-recrimination. First, she had to help Spike back on his feet; she could beat up her inner bitch later.

With a quick call to Willow, Buffy made sure that Dawn wouldn’t be returning home that night. She had been abrupt with her friend, but that couldn't be helped. Taking care of the now completely unconscious vampire on her couch was her top-priority right now.

She had been grateful that Spike’s unconsciousness saved him from the pain undoubtably caused by moving him and tending to his wounds. After bandaging him carefully, Buffy hurried into the kitchen in hopes of finding some leftover blood in the fridge. Her mother had always kept a supply in case the blonde vampire stopped by.

There wasn't any. Then she remembered, she had thrown away all the packets her mother had been keeping when she was trying to convince everyone that Spike was a danger to them. And how stupid had that been anyway? No wonder her mother had looked at her funny; after all he had had an invite since before the chip.

Shaking her head, Buffy forced herself to stop that train of thought. Not now. This is not the time. Got to concentrate on making him better.

The solution came after Buffy tried to pick up a glass she had dropped in her hurried search. With her hands still shaking, she had managed to cut her palm in her haste to throw away some of the larger shards. She stopped in her task to stare, completely mesmerized at the blood.

I'm bleeding. Bleeding? Blood! Spike!

Acting fast, she pressed her other hand over the cut to avoid dripping blood all over the floor and hurried back into the living room. With no hesitation, no thoughts of him being undeserving and no feelings of this being icky, Buffy simply grasped the unconscious vampire's chin with her uninjured hand and pried his mouth open. Holding the still bleeding palm to his lips, she flexed the muscles in her arm to make it flow harder.

Watching in fascination when he instinctively started swallowing, Buffy let out a relieved sigh and dropped into the chair next to the couch. Everything would be ok.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Spike awoke to the strange feeling of something foreign in his mouth. Confused, he lifted a hand to his face, groping for whatever it was. He discovered an arm. Now even more confused, he lifted the appendage and followed it with his eyes, only to find Buffy sleeping in a chair by his side.

Shaking off the last remnants of sleep, he was finally able to make sense out of what he was seeing. Or better stated, he recognized what his eyes were telling him. Because nothing was making sense right now. Why would the Slayer sleep with her hand in his mouth? And why was he in her house? Hadn't she dis-invited him only last week?

Then he remembered Glory and their escape, thanks to the robot attacking the Hellgod. So he hadn't been dreaming; the Slayer had really freed him and invited him back into her house. Still didn't explain the hand though. And no matter how he tried, he couldn't remember anything after being dropped onto the couch.

Experience told him Buffy would have put him there and left.

Instead, he could feel bandages covering his arms and torso - and shouldn't he be in much worse shape after what Glory did? Something wasn't right here.

Carefully shaking the arm he was still holding, he called out to the sleeping girl. He hoped the Slayer wouldn’t be too annoyed with him waking her; he needed answers now. Besides, Spike knew that she couldn't be very comfortable curled up in the chair like she was.

Roused by someone calling her name, Buffy slowly opened her eyes. She started at the vampire on her couch for a few seconds as the memories of last night rushed back; which really was no surprise, seeing as how those events had haunted her even in her dreams.

The Slayer had sat watch over Spike for hours until sleep finally claimed her, using the silence to reflect on everything that had happened – and made a few decisions.

Anxious to see his reaction to the changes she had decided to make and hoping she wasn't setting herself up for disappointment, she forgot all about the speech she had so painstakingly prepared the night before.

"So uh, remember that chance you asked for? Well, you've got it. If you still want it … me, that is."

Stunned and at a complete loss for words, Spike could do nothing but only stare at her.

Who woulda thought..?

2005-08-12T21:34:18Z

Ok, never thought I'd do this but it just happened. I wrote some drabbles. Yeah me, the chick who can't stick to a word-limit if the world depends on it. Oh well, miracles happen....

Anyway. They are all of the "What if..." kind. And maybe a bit morbid? Dunno, it was fun making the characters suffer ;-)

It was horrible, gruesome and completely unheard of. Drained humans, sure; that was part of daily life in Sunnydale. The choice of victims could be explained; a vampire who had a weird fetish for the old, the weak, the comatose, the newborn. One could dismiss that all of them had been tied up before they were killed. The duct-tape though, that couldn't be explained away as easily. Their very own chipped house-guest had agreed that vampires preferred to take their blood from living victims. So why would this one suffocate them beforehand by covering their mouths and noses with tape.

Buffy, Slayer. He didn't know whether to try and comfort her or to kill her for allowing for this to happen.

Never had he felt as helpless as while standing in the open doorway of Revello Drive earlier, beating the invisible barrier until his hands bleed – forced to the wrath of a god. Tired of waiting for her key, Glory had decided to teach the Slayer a lesson. And he had been there, outside, unable to help because an insecure little girl felt a chipped vampire in love with her was a greater threat than an un-chipped one who hated her.

Staring at the simple gravestone in front of her she tried to understand. She had been wrong.

"I Buffy Summers, Vampire Slayer – was wrong. Don't you just love to hear that? Complete and utterly wrong. And I killed you for it, for him. Murdered you because I believed - in souls and goodness and love and trust and forever. All the things you had already given up on. And now I'm a murderer - and alone. What does that make of me? Of you? I'm wrong, so I guess that means you were right.

You hear me Faith? You were right! I'm sorry."

Guilt was slowly killing him from the inside. It had been supposed to be harmless, bring some fun and music in their lives. It had cost them one of their own.

He had withdrawn from the others, unable to look into their trusting faces. Willow wanted to share her grief. Anya was trying to understand. Giles was still looking for ways to get her back. Tara was all that held Willow upright. Buffy? Buffy spend most of her time drunk at Spike's crypt. So much so that even the vampire had come to them for help.

He had destroyed them.

She would never forget his screams, their screams. Hers were horrible; but his, his were her own private hell. She had though she wanted revenge. Not like this though, never like this. The others had warned her about the magic, had said not to use it while upset. Emotions can influence your spells –Giles had told her that. She had though she knew better; had though herself so clever. She was in control, what could possible go wrong? Everything! Too much energy, voices in her head, the emotions, the hate.

And the wolves had burned, she could still hear their screams.

Ohh lookie, another one.

He had known she would hate him. Just hadn't expected it to last. Had thought she'd understand he'd had no choice.

But she wasn't the Slayer now, just a sister. Reality didn't matter while grieving. He'd known that once; had taken on three of the most dangerous vampires with nothing but a torch and a grieving heart. How could he expect forgiveness for destroying what was left of her family? How could he expect her to put the world first – again? No, he'd have to accept that in the eyes of his Slayer he was forever the monster - not the saviour.

And one more. Not really sure about this one but whatever.

The world was ending and he could only watch in horror. They had said he'd play a role in the last apocalypse. Proud to be given such an important job, he had assumed he was meant to fight. Never would he have expected this. It had never been about him. He should have been teaching the Destroyer. They had lost the second he sealed that deal years ago. A normal life, it had sounded like such a great idea. The key-player was unprepared! Now that normal life meant death – death and the end of the world. Wolfram and Hard you win.

If you can think of any similar situations or a "What if..." with consequences - I'm still in the mood....

My trip..

2005-08-01T21:44:36Z

As promised, some rambling about my visit in London.

I had a really fantastic week over there! London is such a great city and I'm so happy I didn't cancel.

The hotel was really nice Thank you very much talesofspike for suggesting it!
They had this cute cubicle for a bathroom and I thought that was just the best idea ever! Hell, not even my own bathroom was ever that clean.... And we had a TV (which I honestly didn't notice while booking; so I got to watch The Simpson's in english and can I just say that the guy who decided on their voices for the German version should be shot! The original is just soooo much better!

On Thursday we had dinner with schehrezade_1 and she's just as sweet in real life as online. The evening was really great, and yes Shez, I really liked the tour you gave us! (She's a great tour-guide and really knows a lot about her city. Very interesting.) And thanks again for the prezzie, that was so sweet. I'm really looking forward to seeing her again in October!

Did some shopping too, but not for clothes as I had originally intended. They don't really have a lot of stuff fitting my style anymore. Instead I came home with about 20 books. I noticed a while back that I don't like books in my own language anymore - as in NOT AT ALL. They just sound wrong somehow. But the offer on English books on amazon is not exactly huge, so I went a bit crazy when I saw all the book-stores.

Btw, alwaysjbj: Your suggestion of Anne McCaffrey was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I now own the first nine volumes of Pern and am currently reading the last of those. I gulped them down one a night, couldn't stop...

Ok, that'S about it. Oh, a last note: I really think people understood what I said, which still makes me all giddy since I hadn't actually spoken English in years and was terrified I had forgotten everything. And what use is being able to think in a language if you can't speak it... So now I'm a lot less nervous about October. *lol*

Something else - but not.

I think I managed to catch up on most fics last night, but in my greed to read as many of them as fast as possible I didn't leave any revs. Sorry about that. There was a lot of really great stuff posted during that week and I feel bad about not telling you that I liked it. So Tales, Schez, Always, Patti, Wulfie, Nimah, Tam, HollyDB, Temp, Kat, MadRog and all those I forgot just now - great work and sorry about the lack of revs!

I'm back!

2005-07-30T15:39:09Z

Yup, am home again. London was great!

More later (for those who are interested), but I just got off the train and still need to unpack...

Happy Birthday

2005-07-26T11:05:23Z

Happy Birthday Amy!!!

Hope you have a great day!

Btw, sorry that I more or less dissapeared but the internet-access is not as good as I expected...

Vacation, vacation !!!!

2005-07-23T00:10:02Z

Yay! I'm leaving for my first vacation in five years, tomorrow! One week in London with my sis. Soooo excited!

According to the hotel's website they have internet-access, so I should still be able to peek in here every evening; but in case that's not true - I'll be back next Saturday...

*waves* Have a great week everyone!

London trip

2005-06-30T16:52:19Z

Ok, I'm checking out hotels for my trip to London at the end of the month. Any tips from those of you who live there about areas I should avoid staying at? Or maybe you can suggest a cheap hotel/bed&breakfast? Dosn't need to be pretty, just clean and not too expensive... *glances at schehrezade_1*
It's been six years since I've been there last and I didn't have to do the booking myself then...

sniff

2005-06-23T13:22:38Z

I have to leave in about two hours to go and visit with my fam. Will stay there until sunday and don't have much hope of managing to sneak off and play with the puter. So I'll prolly be more or less gone until then - but I'll need a pick me up when I'm back, so I'm hoping for many updates while I'm gone. *smirk*

Wish me luck to get through this without too many fights - although I don't have much hope...

bored now...

2005-06-18T16:55:20Z

Snagged from sadbhyl cos I'm bored and my headache seems to be here to stay, so reading is out...

Google image search the following:
1. The age you will be on your next birthday.
2. The place you live.
3. Your favorite color.
4. The place you want to get married.
5. Your first love.
6. Your favorite fruit or vegetable.
7. Your favorite animal.
8. The last name of your favorite actor or actress.
9. The name of a pet.
10. Your favorite song.
11. A bad habit of yours.
12. Your middle name.

Speaks for itself.

You see the bold word "Schule"? I live directly below the "L"! Oh, and the map actually belongs to one of our costumers, funny.

Again, I don't think an explanation is needed.

Skipping 4 and 5, since I don't wanna get married and don't think I've ever been in love.

Yup, every kid hates it, I always loved it. What can I say, I'm a freak.

Another one that doesn't need an explanation.

Skipping 8, cos I usually only care about the characters, not the actors.

My cat - she's long gone now...

"Good Day" by the Dresden Dolls - yup Dem, I told you that was a great suggestion.

Just call me Anya.

Don't have one, so I tried my first name. The result is not really a surprise, hehe.

Off to watch some more TWW - watching TV doesn't bother the headache...

Huh?

2005-06-17T15:44:36Z

Ok, I thought wrote a post earlier today but apparently I was wrong. Oh well...

Some of you prolly saw hollydb's post a few days ago, where she mentioned the trouble she had with the check I send her. (They only put $22 of the $44 into her account and kept the other $22 as a fee.)

Today I received the information about the withdraw on my account. It wasn't $44 like I expected, but $66. So I had to pay a $22 fee as well.

So by trying to send hollydb $44, we paid another $44 to the banks and she still didn't get the money I owed her. And apart from the fact that I think paying a fee of 100% is ridiculous, I specifically asked about this when I ordered the checks. I was told this was the cheapest and fastest way and that only I would have to pay a fee - not hollydb. (And they didn't say it would be 100% either!)

God, those guys piss me off!

So relieved!

2005-06-08T17:00:34Z

YAY! Got the results of my exams today...

I did it!!

And way better than I expected too. I was worried I wouldn't have the needed 30 points in part one - had 67 so I guess I was worried about nothing...

God, I was so freaking relieved! Haven't heard from anyone else who too the same test yet, hope they did ok as well. So the first part is done, now it's only the oral exams and then I'm done with this shit. The date for those was included in the same letter. Sadly it took away some of the elation - 15th of july. *pout* I had hoped to be finished some time this month cos I wanted to go on vacation in july, looks like that'll have to wait until late july or early august... *sigh* Oh well, at least I finally know the date, the waiting was driving me crazy!

smile

2005-06-08T07:39:35Z

Thank you guys so much for all your good wishes! Haven't had so may people remember my birthday in years..

The day was .. nice I guess, nothing special but nice. My boss and his family invited me along for dinner though, that was fun. Oh, and I avoided having to visit my own family, yay. Will still have to show up this weekend but you have to count the small favors with those guys, heh. (Hehe, boss' gran thought it was my 21 birthday - I wonder how that was supposed to work, seeing as she knows me since 1999 and I was already finished with school then. *shrugs*)

Didn't really GET any prezzies yet (besides Dem's and Schez') that'll mostly happen on the weekend. Oh, and the boss said he'd pay to have my sound-system installed in the new car - yay, it's going to be loud again, heh.

Special thanks to demonicamills and schehrezade_1 for the cool prezzies, made me one happy Dia. *beam*

*hugs*

Wow, just wow!

2005-06-01T19:36:46Z

See what bloodshedbaby did for me!

When I asked for help with a banner for lj earlier, she offered and here is the result already. Isn't it pretty! I just love it, and she hit my taste perfectly. *snuggles pretty new banner*

Thanks so much BSB, you're the best! *hugs*